Want Ad #3: Yup, these ae still for sale, too.

For Sale: Bike Panniers - and stories of youthful folly!

Description:

Believe it or not, many decades ago I used to bike recreationally. I'd bike around the chain of lakes, and even ride from Minneapolis to Minnetonka and back again. Hard to believe, right? Of course, I also used to weigh 145 lbs. (at 6' 2"), have dark curly hair and play in a band called Zypper. Speaking of that band, I have two pieces of "stage clothing" from those days here at work if you ever want to see them. They're a pair of size 30-waist nylon pants and a sleeveless striped shirt. We were going for the Loverboy look because it was the 80s. I'll show them to you if you want. Yes, I am willing to humiliate myself for your amusement.

I even went bike camping a few times, riding the “bike paths" in Wisconsin. Back then, the "paths" were kinda sketchy - sometimes you'd be on a bike-only path, like the great Sparta to Elroy trial (which is really fun and interesting to this day -- it's very flat, bike-only and separated from all traffic!), and sometimes you'd be on the side of an interstate highway. And the camping sites weren't very well organized, established or marked back then. In fact, I once was so desperate for a place to camp that I resorted to begging a bar owner in a small town to let me sleep in the back yard of the bar (I guess bars in small town have backyards). I woke at the crack of dawn the next morning to the sound - and "aroma" -of tens of thousands of turkeys! Yup, it was right next to a turkey farm! The sound was like that of thousands of machines that desperately needed WD-40. And I cannot even begin to describe the smell. You rural types know what I'm talking about.

 

Things are much different for cyclists today - they have lavish, wide, bike-only lanes on our city streets, especially in Minneapolis (of course!) And that means if you try to park your car on, say, 1st Ave in Mpls. near Target Field, you park 10 feet from the curb, because your car can't be in the bike lane. And what's really crazy is that between 9 AM and 3 PM you can park your car in the right lane of 1st avenue! I found this out when I cut through Minneapolis on my way to work from the Saintly City one day and waited for10 minutes behind a car in the right lane thinking they'd get going any time now. But it had just turned 9 AM and they were parked in the right lane! Look, I have nothing but admiration for you bike commuters -- I just will not be joining your ranks. It's 18 miles one way from my house to work -- I'd get here about 3 PM, and then have to turn right round and head back home so I made it home before dark.

 

The point of this whole thing is that I don't need my old panniers. They're small, festive orange in color, a little musty from being in the basement, but waterproof and really well built. Made in Colorado, USA! Brand is Velocipac - they're out of business now I think. They were probably founded by hippies; when they retired their spoiled, ungrateful children most likely ran the company into the ground. Just sayin'.

 

So two bike panniers for sale. $15 each - or make an offer.

Want Ad #2

Here's my second want ad from work. Look, I know I'm not exactly Mark Twain or Will Rogers -- but remember, my usual audience works with insurance all day. So these are absolute gems of hilarity and creativity in comparison!

FYI, the yellow dresser is spoken for, but not paid for or picked up yet. And the white dresser is still available. So if anyone actually wants either of these, that would be okay too.

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Two all-wood dressers (plus observations about IKEA)

Description:

 I have two really solid, well-made dressers for sale - $45 each. They would be great for kids - they survived my childhood. They're in better shape than me, to be perfectly honest. Don't worry, I'm fine. But I really wanted that pony.

They might need painting, but they are WAAAAY better than what you can buy at IKEA. Even though IKEA is really fun to look at. And their stuff looks cool!

Speaking of IKEA, I've been there twice, and both times the ball pit was being cleaned by a couple poor employees wearing rubber gloves. To quote Karen Hanson, "Eeeewww". Also have you ever noticed that everything IKEA sells has some weird name that's unpronounceable? Like "Blrghh" or "Dgstrppp" or "Kvk"? I guess to order something you just point at it. Because no one wants to say "I'll take two Blggstrps and a Wzsllyt," right? probably cuts down on phone orders, too.

Anyhow, these dressers are both all wood (okay, maybe the white one has a particle board back), but they are really solid. The only thing is, they won't fit in my Mazda 3 (I barely fit!!), so the buyer has to pick them up from my place. But they are an excellent bargain. If I must say so myself.

Want Ad #1

I'm cleaning out the basement, and trying to get rid of a few things via our company's wants ads. I thought I'd throw a little levity in there while I'm at it. Here's the first one:


Kryptonite bike cable/lock - direct from the planet Krypton!

I can't believe I still have the key for this Kryptonite integrated cable/lock bike lock thing. Looks like the picture except has yellow on it. How cheery!

Made of genuine Kryptonite. Which means it MUST be from Superman's home planet, Krypton! This means that Superman, Superboy, Supergirl, Streaky the Super Cat, Krypto the Super Dog and Beppo the Super Monkey could not steal it*. $15. It's worth it if super-beings ever covet your bike.
I also have a Raleigh U-Lock. $5. Not super-being proof.

*Note: These really were actual DC Comics characters! But don't worry -- I didn't actually know their names. I had to look them up.